This blog post was inspired by an interesting conversation, that I shared with an acquaintance.
She was telling me how defensive a friend got about some red flags she had raised about a particular situation, thinking that since they had some sort of long-term friendship, he would have welcomed the advice warmly.
But of course, it wasn’t well-received as she explained to me, and I understood why. Therefore this blog came into existence.
Her questions were all surprise and a little bit of disappointment towards the reaction. how can he be so defensive about this? Does he really think he is being intuitive by shutting me down so ungratefully? Did he need to be so cold? I really thought that we were friends. How could he speak to me in that way?
I realize that many people are confronted by others’ boundaries, brick walls & defensiveness. It can be easily misunderstood and can also be the reason friendships end. So let’s have a look at what it could be related to, before we decide to close the door to a lovely friendship that’s in the dog house because of a trauma response.
This can denote too a power struggle, and a trigger for the other person who confronted the defensive nature of the other. Both can benefit of this information.
Your intuition, higher self, spirit guides whatever you want to label it, is generally always there to guide you, both spiritually and emotionally through your life time, if you tap into it.
First off, it’s essential to understand that internal chaos and contradictory messages are not intuition and are simply stemming from different parts of ones consciousness based on the passages of their lifetime.
Intuition is always sourced from the heart or gut. Hence the expression gut feeling. It is thought to be a form of wisdom from our higher self and is also referred to as a direct connection to the Universe itself or God consciousness.
We all have an ego; and no matter what you’ve heard about eradicating it, its not wise to. The ego is an intrinsic and extrinsic piece of our sense of self. Instead of trying to eliminate it, its wiser to just get to know it and work with it in a way to support you rather than run your life.
Becoming defensive, argumentative or dismissive rather than grateful ? in most situations shows ultimately that your sense of self may need a little hug and your ego a little shake up.
Contrary to the bossy voice of the ego, intuition often communicates without words and more often than not allows one to just “know” something, without rationalising it, which of course takes a bit of practice to trust in this truth.
We are raised in a society and culture where our pasts and fears give our ego excess fuel to work with, therefore, it has a tendency to become overdeveloped.
Defensiveness can be a result of this overgrown ego and can blind us to the genuine caring of others and sow seeds of conflict in the very friendships that are meant to be healing.
Being defensive is a trauma response to our own feelings of inadequecy, and while defensiveness is not inherently bad, it can build walls between us and others if based on the ego as a result of a trauma response.
Basically, if you have ever been judged, blamed, criticised or controlled, you might unconsciously feel that you’re not whole.
Under these pretenses, you may also suffer from the spirit of scarcity, which basically means; nothing you do or have is ever enough, and you’re constantly waiting for that need to be validated or met to do what needs to be done for things to fall into place, rather than just put one foot infront of the other and trust in yourself and the steps you’re taking.
It becomes also increasingly difficult for an excessively defensive individual to actually grow as they simply feel criticism, advice or objections as an injury rather than a tool. Healthy boundaries are hard for them to accept or build.
This can cause a lot of suffering and of course, this due to an immature relationship with the ego. Everyone simply wants to be loved for who they are. So when someone says something that sounds like it might be a criticism or complaint in their direction, it may be tough to digest and cause alarm bells to set off thereby triggering the pain body to react defensively.
Here are 3 things to do to bypass the pain body through physical, emotional & spiritual breathing
1) Breath, breath, breath…breath because it is your connection to God and it can make you conscious of what it is that is truly arising within you. Breath because it is the way to feel where in your body the trauma is responding. Breath because it will help you to free up the oxygen that needs to reach those places that are tightening up. And then, exhale. See if you still want to react, observe or let it slide not making it right but just not making it worth the energy. In addition to reversing the physical stress response in your body, deep breathing can also help calm and slow down the emotional turbulence in your mind. In fact, there are studies that show breathwork can help treat depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
2) While breathing does relieve the desire to react unconsciously to the pain body, it also engages the higher self in these split seconds of conscious breathing. The higher self is your inner knowingness, your intuition, your connection to your guides, angels, or whomever you are connected to. This connection is innate and assists you to observe the direction you want the trigger to take. In other words, you can remove your ego’s bossy voice, and connect to your true Self and the Universe. Many people who practice pramayama experience spiritual awakenings or attunements to their inner being.
3) Breathwork can help you reach a deeper state of being. While in this state, you may be able to access buried emotions, grudges, and traumas, and ultimately release yourself from their grip on your mental state. Conscious breathwork increases groundedness, interconnection, confidence, and spiritual growth, as well as facilitates emotional surfacing and release.
In a nut shell, it is clear that by connecting to our breath we also connect to our innate divinity, thus allowing ourselves to bypass with a little trust and practice the responses to our trauma with love, compassion and humility for ourselves and those around us.
Wishing you all an enlightening week
Love & Divine Blessings
@The Maltese Mystic Yogi
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